Relationship Advice

by Sara Musfeldt

When a relationship ends, it’s easy to look back and say you should’ve known he was a jerk, a cheater, an abuser, and so on. I know this to be true because I’ve done it at least 18 times. We all have.

It’s OK to justify that a red flag is more pink than red sometimes, but be honest with yourself and know the difference between the two. Here are five red flags that shouldn’t be justified.

1. Roughness. A respectful person won’t hurt his or her partner. It’s a red flag if he grabs or pushes too hard and then claims he was just playing around.

2. The “Who’s that guy?” syndrome. Everyone has insecurities so a little jealousy can be normal in a relationship. But you should know the difference between a little jealous and a lot jealous. If he gives you 20 questions every day, if he accuses you of things that are untrue, if he puts you down and calls you names, then he’s way too insecure. And the bad news is that he won’t get better. It’s just the beginning and he WILL get worse.

3. Your sister hates him. Your friends and family love you dearly and want only what is best for you. There are always exceptions to this, but at least listen to and consider what they have to say about your new man. If they don’t like him, there is probably a good reason. They know you best and only want you to be happy.

4. What happened to the things you used to do? It’s natural to fall in love and have a few of your priorities change. You may spend less time on your hobbies or see your friends less, but don’t eliminate these things entirely. Consider it a red flag if your significant other makes you feel guilty for doing things on your own or prevents you from spending time with your friends.

5. He’s sweet one minute and scary the next minute. Be with someone who is stable and treats you well all the time. If he has extreme mood swings you probably worry about rearranging your day to make him happy or what he’ll be like when you get home. Instability like this will wear you out.

Women are just as guilty of presenting these red flags, and of course there are far more red flags to heed than those that I list here. Since this list just scratches the surface, visit DatingTales online dating guide for more tips.

About the Author:

About the Author: Sara Musfeldt operates a website with dating stories and dating profile tips for everyone. Sara has also created an online dating advice to help single people everywhere find a date. You can get a unique content version of this article.

by Ilan Wolffberg

In Denmark, couples therapy is called “parterapi”, and in the tiny Scandinavian country with divorce rates at close to a world record this is an important word to know.

Most people I’ve spoken to regard parterapi as the last resort before divorce. One has long been dissatisfied. One has tried with arguments and long talks, but nothing has helped. One has spoken with friends and parents, maybe even with a priest or bartender - but good advice is hard to come by. One has (almost) given up.

Parterapi is seen by many as the last resort. The final step in an heroic attempt at saving a relationship on the brink of failure. Having to pay for outside help is also painful. And is it worth the money ?

Upon arrival at therapy, it often turns out that the expectations, far from shared, are quite different for the two participants. For some, it is already over and only the tidying up remains. Help (or courage) is needed to end an often painful existence. Some arrive unwilling to participate but unable to decline being “dragged” there by the other - unwilling or unable to refuse to taking part in what may be a fruitless rescue attempt.

Many arrive in the hope that some quick advice will be forthcoming that can help them get back on track so they can continue with the happy relationship they had before it all went wrong.

- and to their surprise they are told by the therapist that no magic cure is forthcoming. They are told that it they, themselves, who will have to work hard and that the help the therapist can provide consists of support and guidance, in help to rebuild a stable and trusting relationship. They are also told that it will take time and that the work will at times be hard, that progress will be made and relapses occur. They will experience laughter and also tears and that , more than anything else, it will require courage.

Courage is needed to open up and reveal one’s thoughts and aspirations to another. It takes courage to share feelings, to allow another to see one’s strengths and weaknesses. And it takes courage to open oneself to another, vulnerable and without the protection one has built up over a lifetime.

It is hardly surprising that so many give up after only a few tries. Or never come to begin with.

For those who succeed, the payoff is great. They end therapy with increased confidence in themselves, in life and in each other. They acquire strategies they can apply to solve future difficulties and disagreements. They get increased insight into their own ways of meeting the world and how they are different from each other and thereby can help each other to achieve more than either can achieve alone.

And often they ponder: “What made us wait so long?”, “I wish we had known all this long ago”, “Just think of how happy we could have been all this time.”, “If only we had known”

About the Author:

Relationship problems? Ilan Wolffberg is an American psychotherapist residing in Denmark for over 30 years. Check out his expert advice on Couples Therapy or on Parterapi as they say in Danish. Don’t reprint this exact article. Instead, reprint a free unique content version of this same article.

by Erik J. Michaels

I will admit, us guys have a nasty habit of messing up with our girls and jeopardizing the relationships we have with them. Time and again, our simplistic and idiotic mistakes threaten to end the things we hold dear, and we get to that desperate point where we have to figure out “how do I get her to stay?” Well, maybe I can help.

Figuring out how to get your girl to not leave you can hinge a lot on what’s making her want to leave in the first place. Figuring out what you’re doing wrong can be a vital first step in keeping her from dumping you. Some of you reading this will know what went wrong, but for those who don’t there follows a small list of questions you can ask yourself.

-Did I violate her personal definition of unfaithfulness? -Did I say something stupid or make her feel bad about herself because of something I said? -Have I been making enough time in my life to spend with her, and make her feel loved? -Did I forget her birthday/our anniversary/Valentine’s Day/Christmas? -Have I been supportive enough of her emotions and feelings? -Have I respected her opinion in the relationship and treated her as an equal?

I’m not saying these six things are the only possible reasons for why she’s thinking about leaving, but they should get your mind working and usually have a little to do with whatever’s going on. Remember that it’s rarely just one problem, but can be an entire slew of them.

Now, there are big problems and little problems in a relationship, but none of them are trifling matters. Even “smaller” problems like saying something stupid or forgetting Valentine’s Day can stack to cause a relationship-threatening feud. Just because they’re not world-enders doesn’t mean you can ignore them…it just makes them easier to handle.

Cheating on her, not supporting her emotions or helping her to feel loved and like she’s important to you, and not spending enough time with her are all things that can be considered “big.” These can hit hard in a relationship, and getting through one that’s threatened by these can require a lot of sacrifice and change.

Saving a relationship from its problems starts with you stopping the behaviors that started it…this is easiest with the little things. Immediately quitting these things coupled with a heartfelt apology can usually take care of the majority of the recovery needed, but only if you continue to NOT do those things.

Remember that while the little things are generally not relationshipkillers when taken one at a time, repeating them over a long period of time or doing a bunch at once can really mess things up for you and your girlfriend, so you don’t get a free pass with these. Be careful.

Big things are the real killers of relationships. Cheating is a massive relationship killer, so all I can say on this one is don’t EVER do it in the first place, and make sure you know what your woman considers being unfaithful…sometimes all it takes is a lingering gaze with no follow-up intentions to make your girlfriend start to feel hurt. There’s no reason to look at other women anyways, you’re with the best one in the world!

Frankly, most problems big and small in a relationship can be avoided entirely by paying really close attention and respecting each other. When communication shuts down and you stop listening to one another, things can get hairy pretty fast. If you just devote your attention and time to your girlfriend, things should be pretty good…and on the rare occasion that a problem comes up, you’ll be able to deal with it quickly and effectively.

If there’s a serious problem going on right now with your relationship, and your girlfriend is looking for the door in spite of your desire to make it work, it’s critical to do what you have to in order to make her happy and make her stay. Sacrifice and compromise are the names of the game, and if that’s what it takes to make her feel cared-about, that’s what you need to do…and is that really so unfair?

About the Author:

This article come just a little bit too late to stop a breakup? Get immediate relief from breakup agony and a proven plan to get your ex back. Free articles and info at http://www.getyourexbacknow.com/just_break_up.html. Click here for other unique ‘dating’ articles.

By Kristin J. Thorne

Dealing with a cheating spouse can be one of the most devastating and painful experiences in your life. Your dream of a life with your beloved one, full of promises of a happy life together, with a house full of children, suddenly becomes a nightmare.

You start wondering why your spouse has been so cool towards you lately. And you begin to think if there is anything you did to deserve that kind of behavior towards you.

It is extremely important that you understand, that YOU are not the one to blame! If your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend starts a love affair with another person, that was solely THEIR decision. And they are brilliant in convincing themselves that they are not doing anything wrong!

They convince themselves that if you weren’t like this, or if you weren’t like that, they wouldn’t have to look for sex and love elsewhere. But that is so wrong! Starting a relationship with another person while still in a marriage or relationship, will never be ok.

If people aren’t mature enough to sit down with their spouse and discuss what they need to improve in their relationship, there is something wrong with THEM! If people are so naive to think that just by getting married, they will live happily ever after, THEY are the ones who have the problems!

If you suspect that your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you, don’t ever confront them directly with your suspicions, because you will only hear lies such as:

Oh, she is just like a sister to me, that’s all, or, It wasn’t me! The cell phones must have been crossed with someone else’s, or, He’s a good friend of my brother. You get the point here.

You need to learn what the most common signs of cheating are, and amazingly enough, most cheating spouses show similar behavioral patterns. Therefore, you have to prepare yourself very carefully, mentally and legally, and you need to gather rock solid proofs before you confront them.

Is My Partner Cheating On Me? Learn the truth by using proven, tested methods. Learn how to avoid the critical mistakes every betrayed spouse makes. Discover the secrets to How To Catch A Cheating Partner You are welcome to reprint this article - but get your own unique content version here.